10/24/11

hmm, since i've been injured and unable to run, what does this blog mean.  do i not exist simply because my running has been stalled? NO. if my husband is away, do i cease being a wife; if my children go to college, do i cease being a mom; if i burn dinner, do i cease being a cook, well that one may be questionable.

 i am a runner even though i haven't run in a few months. i'm a frustrated runner. my long-run days may be over, or maybe my "increase speed" days are far behind me, but, yes, i am a runner.

thanks bern for reminding me to be ME!

7/31/11

argh! an injury is causing me to walk rather than run.  i know i'm more than what i do, so i would rather be safe & healthy than hurt & running.  walking it now with hubby is better than being immobile from pain.  time & patience will tell what will happen next

7/19/11

ok, so i did 10 miles on saturday and 3 today, i still feel like i'm hittiing the perpetual wall.  what lesson am i learning: perserverence (or possibly spelling?) or sometimes one needs to quit to prevent a serious injury.  my legs feel like lead, and i can't shake this ever louder voice that says i've taken on more than i can chew.  i also don't want to get injured or be stubborn about something that God is telling me to give up.  i don't want to end up hating running because i ran injured.  or maybe, i'm just plain nervous and need to plug through this.  i need to find my inner champion, that inner hero that won't quit (even if it means that hero needs to encourage a sidelined runner!)  argh!  sometimes life lessons just plain suck!  but at least i got a good sweat in!

7/12/11

as my mileage is increasing, and my legs are hurting, i can't help but wonder what i've gotten myself into.  there's no way i will let the fear stop me, but the nerves are rising.  now that hubby is a 'maybe' with his injuries, and i'm hearing not so great stories of this race, i can't help but get a lump in my throat.  but i will also remember that forward motion is the mantra, be strong, be brave, no giving up and take no prisoners (ok, now i'm just ranting!)  one thing that i found quite interesting: when i was buying a new pair of running sneakers, i was speaking to the salesperson as an athlete.  i didn't assume the posture of 'i'm new at this and i bet i can't do it, blah, blah, blah'.  i was talking as i was an athlete, a runner!  that was a huge milestone. that makes all the training worth it.  remember the "poser" from last year? i think she's gone and there's an athlete here now!

7/1/11

as i anticipate 9 miles tomorrow, i can't help but remember that everytime i add distance, i feel weak.  why can't i remember the strength of the past.  or am i afraid to fail so i set myself up to fail.  if i don't expect much, then when i fail i won't be disappointed?  well no more of that! be brave, be strong!  hit the pavement strong and take what comes, good or bad!

6/2/11

training run today, hah! i felt like i was pulling 2 lead pipes around the reservoir.  i like coach jenny's comments to run by feeling not pace.  so i slowed down a bit and just accepted the feeling.  it turns out that i took a minute off my time on the return.  who would have thought!  sometimes i feel like dory from Finding Nemo, "just keep running, just keep running...."

5/27/11

ok, so disney is 5+ months behind me; the "laurels" from that run are dead; the time has come to move forward.  training has started for chicago.  my goal this time is to enjoy the journey, finish with a smile & hopefully cross the finish line close to 5:30. while it's hard to turn off the worry & fear in my brain, i will endeavor to not give it a voice.  let it in the right ear & quickly out the left! 

1/9/11

ok, so i just did 26.2!  yes, my goal was to finish (goal 1) with a smile (goal 2) in under 6 hours (goal 3) which i did (5:58:48, and technically i was tearing up, but they were tears of joy and the pictures show a smile). so why is there such a let down.  and if anyone in cyberspace is reading this, i'm not looking for encouragement, just trying to get to the bottom of these feelings.  i should be on cloud nine, but i feel like there's something missing.  is it that the training is over and there's nothing to look forward to, maybe. did i give it my best, no. and i think there it is.  i was so concerned with "just finishing is an accomplishment" that i'm afraid i didn't dig deep enough.  what am i really able to capable of doing?  i'm totally proud of myself for getting out of my box & doing something i never thought i would consider, but can i do it better (that's something else that's new - i'm not one to redo something if it's not perfect, and i'm not looking for perfection, but i felt so good afterwards that i'm wondering if i just coasted and didn't really try).  anyway, hubby wants to try another 26.2 so we may be working towards another in october.  we'll see